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"Be Fluid, Like Water"

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"Be Fluid, Like Water" (1 Viewer)

Rockette

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Jan 24, 2021
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It took a great many years, far too many, for those words to finally come to rest where they belonged in me. I was born and raised in the conservative south, but fortunate to have open minded if rather classic lifestyle parents. The really first clue, aside from being the target of abuse from every school bully and even my own siblings, came from the words blurted out by one of my grade school teachers: "You're going to make somebody a great wife." An odd thing to say to a boy in the deep rural backwoods. They walked away quickly and never mentioned anything like that again. I guess they were as surprised as I was as to what they said. But I guess it was that obvious even in that limited social mindscape of the area and era. Even though physically I was pretty much a standard of the typical male, my mind did not work like those around me. I was far more at ease around girls and liked making things though my skills were very lacking. Counter-wise I would at times be very 'boy' and would fulfill the expectations of the role. That went on for years of my life. Always thinking I was a guy but always puzzled as to why I didn't quite fit with other guys. Finally I allowed myself to start considering other possibilities. I explored being gay and found some fit there, but not perfectly. It was with an online friendship with a F2M friend that first I learned more about internal vs external gender and they kinda nudged me to the direction they realized about me within the first few weeks of our hanging out. "I think I might be gender fluid." "Yeah, I saw that when we met." The puzzle piece was revealed. In a body that even if transitioned would always look male was a heart that was ok being male sometimes, but had a stronger feminine bent to it. The title above came from an anime I had watched and became part of what I do. In public, I flow to meet their expectations.. mostly. At home and with friends I wash upon the shores of myself and be whatever mood I am in at that time. Usually female but on occasion male. I struggle though with the body I have. I look like a bear. Looks are deceiving though...
 

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